You’re Gonna Make It

The afternoon autumn sun lit up my office.

It was the end of my work day and my supervisor graciously offered to come in on her day off to hear me out. We sat in my office and I unloaded. I unloaded my sense of imposter syndrome (here I am a couples counselor and my husband is leaving me for another woman), parsing out what is true and what are lies, where home will be for me next, my financial fears entering into a nasty and expensive divorce, the shame I felt, heartache and anger tied to this deep betrayal, and feeling out the fears of whether I could actually make it on my own financially and emotionally as a single mom.

How am I going to be able to do it all? Get out of this flooding sink hole of despair?

I was SCARED, INFURIATED, and HEARTBROKEN and my supervisor witnessed it all.

"Elizabeth, you're going to be okay." She said.

I could feel myself slow down and pause. I looked at the white floral painting on my wall swirling with hints of blue and gold and I felt something unexpected in response to her words. To my surprise I believed her, because something in her expression was telling me that she believed in me too. She had born witness to everything I was going through, the doubts I had in myself, and she still believed in my ability to show up for my clients, to show up for myself, and to show up for my son. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear those words from her. I went home encouraged.

I was at the very start of a really tough journey through divorce & betrayal, but I truly believed it would be okay. I couldn’t have been anchored in this belief on my own though. God knew I needed a whole community of people to continue to confirm His words to me that He surely was "...making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland" (Isaiah 43:19). And that I would be okay.

He spoke those hopeful words to me from Isaiah at the start of this devastating season and He knew my heart needed a literal army of people to confirm it for me and help me trust His word. In every aspect of my life (work, church, family, friendships) I had people surrounding me to carry me through, to lift me up and keep me anchored in His promises for me when I was angry with Him and when the wind was taken out of me from the hurt. He knew the community I needed, people who believed in me, to encourage me in the Lord. Experiencing others come alongside me in such incredible ways, confirmed to me over and over God's perfect timing and His protective, loving nature towards me.

Even though I missed being near the rest of my family at the time, I know God had me planted in Knoxville, TN for that time in my life, because He knew the people I needed to be around.

"Elizabeth, you're going to be okay."

Those words changed me inside. My trust in the Lord expanded. Did my circumstances get better after that conversation? Nope, not at all, they actually got worse for several months and the rebuilding of my life has not been easy either. It felt like since my miscarriage 4 years ago life just went on a downhill spiral. It has been 4 years wrestling with loss and working hard to rebuild after my family fell apart. There are no shortcuts to healing.

But it has been LIFE GIVING.

In the trials of a failed marriage and rebuilding as a single mom, God has gifted me with lessons and relationship with Him that I would not trade. It's too beautiful. In a season where my dreams were dying, by the grace of God I felt the most ALIVE. An impossibility it seems, but not with God.

So, wherever you are at right now. Take a moment to pause. Breathe in deep, take in what you see and appreciate what’s around you. I want to tell you from having been in the trenches myself...

You're Gonna Make It

You might not see a path forward and getting out of the pain feels impossible. I totally get it.

As you sit in His shadow He is going to mend you, heal you, and restore to you dreams and life out of your pain and heartache. It’s a journey, but somehow He makes the process bearable and beautiful. His wheelhouse is in resurrection, and He will resurrect in you what you feel has died inside. Ecclesiastics 3:11 "He hath made every thing beautiful in his time..." God is a gentlemen and keeps His word, He will surely do it for you. I believe in His faithfulness and I believe in you.

You're Gonna Make It